All Star Kraven
by Gambit14
Summary: What if? Registration had been passed in 1950? What if Kraven the Hunter led a team that tracked down unregistered superhumans? What if he had All Star Batman style inner monologues? Chapter 6 now up. Reviews appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

_The year 2000. Fifty years since the PRESIDENT signed a BILL making everyone with superpowers either an EMPLOYEE of the GOVERNMENT or an OUTLAW. MY name's KRAVEN THE HUNTER, and the government PAYS me to hunt down the STUPID PUNKS who think THEY can dodge that LAW._

I LOVE my job.  
Kraven crouched behind the stone gargoyle, watching the woman down below walk hurriedly to her car, occasionally glancing anxiously behind her. She was tall and red-haired, and the rather voluminous dress concealed an iron physique. Right now she looked scared for her life.

The reason was revealed an instant later, when two men stepped out of the shadows. They wore ski masks, and walked with the easy stride of a predator who has no fear of their prey escaping or fighting back. One carried a switchblade, while the other held a baseball bat. The woman fumbled with her car keys, before dropping them, and pressing her back against her car, as if trying to push herself through the side and to safety.

The man carrying the baseball bat began to say something, but was interrupted by a sudden orange and blue blur, which crashed into him, lifting him bodily off his feet, and slamming him into a parked car some distance away. An instant later, a figure wearing a black spandex costume with red highlights leapt over a parked car and kicked the man with the switchblade in the face. He collapsed to the pavement.

_I recognize HIM. Calls himself the NIGHT-THRASHER. STUPID little vigilante. BUT he's supposed to be GOOD. VERY good. Worthy PREY for KRAVEN the HUNTER, then._

"Are you all right ma'am?" Night Thrasher asked the woman, as the blur resolved itself into a teenager wearing a ridiculous blue and orange costume. He was grinning with the look of an adrenaline junky who had- well, who had just crashed head first into a mugger after flying out of the darkness.

_He's even WORSE. Calls himself SPEEDBALL. ABSOLUTELY useless in a FIGHT with ANYBODY who knows what they're DOING. He absorbs KINETIC energy, though, which means that he's NOT really in my AREA of EXPERTISE._

"Better than you gentlemen will be soon," responded the woman. Her hand jerked up, and a bolt of electricity leapt from her wrist, striking Speedball in the chest. He fell to the ground, as Night Thrasher leapt out of the way, behind another parked car. Kraven was moving in that instant, even as the woman shed the bulky dress, revealing the form fitting black uniform beneath it.

Kraven landed catlike behind Night Thrasher, who was leaping to his feet. Meanwhile, Speedball was trying to clamber to his feet, only to be struck by another jolt of electricity from the woman. Kraven grabbed Night Thrasher by the neck and slammed him up against the car. "Here's the deal," he rumbled, "You and me. No holds barred, no interference from my team. You have a thirty second head start. Go." He released his hold on Night Thrasher's throat and started counting. Night Thrasher took ten seconds to catch his breath, and then squatted, thrusting one foot out at Kraven's left knee. Kraven sidestepped, grabbing Night Thrasher's leg, and slamming him into the car by it.

"That was stupid," he said, kicking Night Thrasher in the ribs as he started rolling to his feet. "Now you don't get any head start. Get back up on your feet." Night Thrasher did so, and promptly punched Kraven in the gut. Hard muscle stopped some of the impact, but Kraven still doubled over as Night Thrasher kicked him in the face. He stumbled back against the car, grinning wildly, despite his clearly broken nose. He caught Night Thrasher's next two blows, one in each hand, and with a grunt, flipped Night Thrasher over his head, to land heavily on his back on the asphalt of the parking lot. Night Thrasher climbed to his feet again, but slowly this time. He was also coughing, and spit out blood. Still, he leapt to the attack again, and the next few minutes were a frantic exchange of blows, until finally Kraven grabbed hold of Night Thrasher by his neck and leg, lifted him above his head, and slammed him down onto the ground. This time Night Thrasher made no attempt to climb back to his feet. "Black Widow?" He asked, throwing Night Thrasher over his shoulder.

The red haired woman looked up, hitting Speedball with another jolt of electricity from the device on her wrist as she did so. "That last was as near to full juice as I could get without killing him," she replied in a still rather thick Russian accent. "He should remain unconscious for about twelve hours. And please, Sergei, call me Natasha"

_Black Widow. She's my SECOND in command. She's also EVERY man's DREAM. Except the GAY ones. The only TROUBLE is, she DIDN'T just get that NAME because her FIRST collar in this JOB was the FLY. Most of the MEN who return her ADVANCES end up with a broken HEART or a broken NECK._

Kraven turned to the man that Speedball had attacked. Or rather, now, the men. The two identical men- not that you could tell through the ski masks- stood up, and then one of them seemed to slip back into the other. "Madrox?" Kraven asked

"Nothing broken, Kraven. Although I'd like to point out that I'm not really the best person for bait. One of these days someone's going to notice that I duplicate when they kick me in the face. And then where will we be?"

_James Madrox- the MULTIPLE Man. He can DUPLICATE himself any TIME anything HITS him. That MAKES him a one man ARMY. He has some TROUBLE making DECISIONS, though. He MAKES me nervous, because I NEVER know if I'm talking to HIM or one of his DUPES._

"I told you, we didn't have time to requestion any agents for bait. It took me five days of tracking them to figure out they'd be in this neighborhood tonight, and I wasn't about to hold off while we waited for the request to go up through the bureaucrats, and let them get away. Machine Man?"

"I did not sustain any damage, fleshy leader. All of my various components appear to be in perfect working order. I am, after all, considerably more durable than you squishy organics."

_MACHINE Man. He only got PUT on the team because the ANDROID rights groups were protesting DISCRIMINATION. But he's GOT more TOOLS in him than a SWISS army knife, and he's got no COMPUNCTIONS about using them however he's ORDERED to._

"All right. Machine Man, take Speedball. There's a designated SHIELD pick-up point about five blocks south of here, and they hate coming down to earth anywhere else. Let's get moving."

_SHIELD. America's TOP espionage and SPEC-OPS organization. Ever since the SOVIET Union fell, they've been MOSTLY concerned with enforcing and REGULATING the SUPER Human Registration and DRAFT act. And ever since Nick FURY retired, they're gone STRAIGHT to HELL. In a GODDAMN handbasket. Can't EVEN deploy a team to take down a super powered TERRORIST without triple AUTHORIZATION from half a DOZEN officials. Transport's EASIER. Just get the PRISONER to a designated pick-up POINT and they'll bring them up to the big PRISON in the sky. Most of the AGENTS are still pretty good guys though._

"Geeze, Kraven," said one of the SHIELD agents, clipping a collar around Speedball's neck. "This makes what, eight this month? Nine depending on how you count that conjoined twin. You trying to put yourselves out of business?"

"Not going to happen," said a Madrox clone, wandering by. Madrox Prime was talking animatedly on a cell phone "I saw a thing on the Discovery Channel the other night. The big brains figure that, not counting us mutants, the number of superhumans doubles every twenty years."

"Twenty years and seven months," said Machine Man absently. One of his eyes had extended from its socket, and he was examing Night Thrasher's suit. "Why on earth would he have thought that the red highlights were a good idea? They only serve to increase visibility. But then, much of humanity's so-called 'fashion' remains a mystery to me. For example, I can still not imagine why Kraven would wish to wear a vest made out of dead animals."

"Right. Evey twenty years and seven months. So it's always on the rise, and that means there's always going to be new idiots who think they can dodge the law. And considering we aren't on salary with benefits like you SHIELD jocks, only makes sense to take as many as we can. When can we pick up the pay?"

"Sorry, SHIELD's back to not handling that again this week," the agent grinned sheepishly. SHIELD's responsibilities in these matters was constantly shifting back and forth with the Super Human Registration and Draft Agency. "I'll write you up a receipt for these two, and you'll have to head down to SHRADA to cash it."

Madrox Prime had finished his conversation on the cell phone. "Hey, Kraven! Those twins I met at that society thing last week? They agreed to a double date, but only if you're one of the men, not just two mes. Ah, well, no accounting for taste, I guess."

_MOST countries, the fact that I enjoy HUNTING the most DANGEROUS game would make me a CRIMINAL or a FREAK. Here I'm one of the MOST famous men in the country, and the WOMEN regularly throw their UNDERWEAR at me in the STREET. GOD, I LOVE America._


	2. Chapter 2

_In a CITY of corrupt COPS, crime lords, and PETTY thieves, I can UNDERSTAND the desire to TAKE justice into your OWN hands. People __call__ Frank Castle CRAZY, and maybe in a WORLD where the system WORKED he would BE. But last WEEK a serial murderer walked FREE on a TECHNICALITY. Frank Castle BEAT him to death with his own ARM. It's hard not to ADMIRE a man like THAT. But I've got a JOB to do, and FRANK Castle won't PLAY by the rules. And he's one of the BEST. That means that he's VERY good INDEED. Which means he'll be WORTHY prey. For __me__. Kraven the HUNTER._

"Kraven," purred Black Widow into her radio, "I've got him. He just shot two bank robbers, and he's heading north on Thirty-second street. I could take him out right now, you know."

"No," Kraven rumbled, consulting his mental map of the city. "We stick to the plan. He hasn't remained free this long with the entire police force and Kingpin's thugs chasing him by being an easy mark. Besides," he bared his teeth in a feral grin. "He deserves a straight fight, however hopeless it is. Follow and observe only, for now."

"Acknowledged," replied Black Widow, in tones that made it obvious what she thought of giving their quarry any chance at all of escaping. "Widow out." Kraven replaced his radio in his belt, and picked up a pair of binoculars lying beside him. If Castle kept to his current course, he'd pass Kraven's location soon, after which the trap would be sprung.

_It took me MONTHS to get the CLEARANCE to set this UP. But it being CASTLE I couldn't RISK anything less. I managed to get the entire NEIGHBORHOOD evacuated. Even the bums on the STREET- the only people __out__ in this neighborhood at this time of __night-__ are highly qualified SHRADA operatives. I'd rather hunt Castle ALONE, but orders are not to FOOL around with this. Someone up TOP wants Castle CAUGHT. Or ELSE someone with CONNECTIONS up top._ _I wonder if the KINGPIN has…_ _Wait. There HE is._

Castle stood at about six feet, a couple of inches shorter than Kraven himself. He wore a black Kevlar uniform with a skull emblazoned on the chest. Increasing the magnification of the binoculars revealed that the teeth of the skull doubled as an ammunition belt. He was also carrying what appeared to be a custom submachine gun, or at least one of a type Kraven was not familiar with. On various belts and bandoliers were a number of other guns and knives. Kraven watched carefully, until Castle had crossed the invisible line, and then the trap was sprung.

First, as Castle passed over a sewer drain, it emitted a cloud of what appeared to be steam- not unusual in itself. What was unusual was the way Castle reacted to it, suddenly coughing, while at the same time flinging an arm over his eyes. That was because the 'steam' was actually a highly potent form of tear gas. Castle hurriedly backed up out of it, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve, and glancing around- looking for the probable source of the next attack.

"Machine Man," Kraven spoke softly, but the radio picked it up, and transmitted it to the robot. He stepped out of an alley- to all appearances human. Castle whipped around upon hearing him, and raised the gun. He said something- from this distance, even Kraven's acute hearing couldn't make out what- and Machine Man raised his hands over his head, and stopped advancing. He was too far away for any human- short of the head of that remarkably independent quixotic quartet- to attack him without the use of some weapon. Machine Man, of course, was not human, but he looked it, and so the look of surprise on Castle's face when Machine Man's leg shot out- and out and out- and caught him in the stomach was understandable. The impact was such as to actually lift him bodily off his feet and throw him across the street.

By the time he hit the pavement, he was already firing- to his credit, only to wound. The bullets ripped through Machine Man's civilian clothing, and the thin, skin-like material beneath, only to ricochet off of hard metal. Machine Man was moving forward by the time Castle rolled to his feet, but Castle was firing again, having reloaded as he rolled. This time, perhaps noting that Machine Man was robotic in nature, and therefore without the frailties of a human, he was firing much more indiscriminately, avoiding only the head, where some bizarre law demanded the processing power and sentience of a humanoid robot had to be held.

This clip, apparently contained armor piercing ammunition. Machine Man halted, looking down with an expression of mild annoyance at the holes appearing in his torso and legs, and promptly collapsed.

_Thank GOD I got SHRADA to agree to cover all MEDICAL costs from this. And thank President STARK for pushing through that LAW that makes sentient robotic repairs legally DEFINED as medical COSTS. So that MACHINE Man's REPAIRS will be COVERED by SHRADA. As MEDICAL costs._

"Madrox," he said quietly into the radio, "You're up." Madrox came out of an alley behind Castle at a dead run. He was in excellent shape, and by the time Castle had heard him and whirled around, he tackled him. He duplicated on impact, and again when they hit the ground. Then Castle hit one of the dupes with the barrel of the gun, and soon he was buried underneath a pile of dupes. The pile grew larger for a while, and then several of the dupes went limp. Then several more. After a few moment Castle managed to climb his way out of the pile, holding a sparking taser in each hand.

"Natasha, stand by," said Kraven. He stood from behind the screen- identical to the building- that had covered a small depression in the wall, about twenty feet off the ground. He stepped out from the wall easily, landing catlike on the ground a moment later, and leaping at Castle, giving throat to a battle-cry he had learned during a time in Wakanda before he had come to the United States. It translated roughly as 'You're right screwed now!'

Castle stood his ground, firing both tasers directly at Kraven at near point blank range. Kraven roared as the electricity coursed through him, but caught hold of the wires and yanked, pulling the tasers out of Castle's hands. He was slightly unsteady on his feet after that, but no more than Castle. Warily, they circled each other, neither of them entirely certain whether Kraven could close the distance between them to bring the fight to close quarters before Castle could draw one of his various firearms and gun him down. Finally Castle went for a pistol at his side, and Kraven leapt for him.

The bullet scored a line of blood along Kraven's arm and side, and then he hit Castle, driving them both to the ground. The next few minutes were a frenzy of blows and grapples- at one point Castle bit Kraven's ear, at another he barely stopped Kraven from gouging out his eye. Finally Kraven managed to hit Castle between the temples, slamming his head against the pavement. The moment Castle was stunned was enough for Kraven to break away enough to kick him in the stomach several times. Castle, though curled instinctively around his stomach, managed to draw a knife, at stick it through Kraven's foot. Kraven bellowed in pain, and ripped it out, bashing Castle in the temple several times, until he was certain he was unconscious. Only then did he again switch on his radio and say "I've got him," before nearly collapsing, and hobbling to lean against a wall.

_I heard RIGHT. He WAS good. And I BEAT him. Granted I had some HELP, but that's all part of the HUNT. And if there's ONE person who knows about the HUNT, it's ME. __Kraven__. The HUNTER._

The foot, it transpired, was all right, as long as he didn't plan to play soccer or kick anyone's head in any time soon. The ear was going to be sore for a while though, and he was urged to avoid any action that might tear open the stitches in his side for a while. Hence, his planning, with the other members of the team- minus Black Widow, who had elected to travel separately, and whom had already left- of a vacation.

"Look, all I'm saying is that Costa Verde isn't the most politically stable country we could pick to go relax," said Madrox. He was lounging and channel surfing on the sofa of the penthouse apartment/office the team rented- affectionately entitled the Lodge- while a dupe standing behind it threw darts at a map of the world. "Now Wakanda…"

"I told you," said Kraven, who was standing looking out the window at the city below, "I'm persona non grata in Wakanda. Actually, I'm not allowed within two hundred miles of the Wakandan border."

"Presumably there is one of your amusing stories behind that, fleshy leader," said Machine Man. "I'll have to extract it from you one day." He had been fully repaired- one of the advantages of robots was that they didn't have to wait for their bodies to knit themselves together. An hour in a professional workshop and he had been fine. "May I suggest Madripoor? It lacks the political instability of Costa Verde, and tends to cater to those inclined towards fleshy luxury."

"Hey!" Said Madrox, suddenly, "Check this out!" He had stopped on a news channel, which was showing a picture of a burning helicopter with the SHRADA insignia partially submerged in a lake. Nearby were two SHRADA agents tied to a tree. The channel then cut to the same image, minus the SHRADA agents, and plus an attractive young blonde in a short skirt, holding a microphone.

"That was the scene, only minutes ago, when notorious vigilante Frank Castle escaped from a SHRADA helicopter, disabling the pilot and a guard, and crashing a transport helicopter in a lake." Madrox, Machine Man, and Kraven all looked at each other for a moment, and then burst out laughing.

"I always said SHRADA was nothing but a second rate SHIELD," said Madrox, "And considering what SHIELD's like these days, that's not saying an awful lot for SHRADA. You think we could pick up the bounty on him again?"

Kraven grinned, "Oh, I do hope so. He'll be warier next time, and the hunt that much more challenging. But first- Madripoor it is."


	3. Interlude One

_All Star Kraven: Interlude One: Registration and _You

"Hello boys and girls. Today on the World and You we have a very special topic. Registration and _You_," A motherly, middle aged woman was the host of 'The World and You,' the best rated educational children's television show currently playing.

"Registration?" Asked a small, furry, and altogether adorable puppet, "What's that?"

"Well, it's a long story," said the woman, to a chorus of delight from the evidently story loving small children and puppets, "It all starts a long time ago- fifty years ago today, to be exact. You remember what we talked about last week?" There was another chorus in answer, "That's right. The Cold War and _You._ Well, during the Cold War, there was what's called a 'draft'. Can anyone tell me what draft means?"

"It's a type of horse," called out a pony puppet, tossing its head. "It's really big, and it's really strong, and pulls stuff."

"That's right, Penny," said the woman, "But we're talking about a _different_ type of draft. This is the type of draft that says that everyone of a certain age has to help the government for several years. Now we don't have a draft for everyone today, but we did fifty years ago. And that included people with special powers. But when you have special powers, you have to learn how to use them, or you might hurt yourself, or someone else. That's why the government made the Registration Act."

"But what _is_ the Registration Act?" Asked Penny the Pony.

"I'm getting to that," said the woman, "The Registration Act says that anyone with special powers has to tell the government as soon as they find out. That way the government can help them learn how to use them. Then they can use them to help America and the world."

"Gosh," said a small child sitting near the woman's feet on a beanbag chair. "Why _wouldn't_ anyone register?"

"Well," said the woman, "Most people do, but there are some bad people who just want to use their special powers to hurt people and take things. That's part of what the good guys do- they stop the bad people. And then there are some people who want to help, but don't think that they need to register. They're not bad people, because they help other people, but they're not quite good people either, because they break the law, and that's bad. That's why there are people like Mr. Gargan, who track down people with special powers who don't register, and turn them over to SHRADA, to help them."

Mac Gargan, also known as the Scorpion, stepped forward. He was in full regalia, the armored suit encasing him except for his face, the devices on his hands that let him scale walls, or crush rocks, even the tail, though it wasn't loaded with any of the various deadly weapons available.

"Would you like to tell the kids your story Mr. Gargan?"

"Yeah, sure. I used to be a private detective, you know, like you see in movies and stuff. But I had a gambling problem- gambling's bad kids, remember that. Anyways, I ended up owing money to some folks, and to pay it off, I let some other folks- not very nice guys either- mess around with me and this suit. Long story short, there was a while when I couldn't take it off- and I went kinda crazy. I robbed a couple of banks- put a security guard in the hospital- and then Kraven caught up with me. Him and me and that Madrox guy fought, and they ended up bringing me in. SHRADA managed to get the suit off me, and told me I could keep rotting in jail, or I could fight the good fight. And, well, I took the second option, and here I am."

"Here you are indeed, Mr. Gargan. Okay kids, we'll be talking about what _you_ can do to help Registration right after these messages!"


	4. Chapter 3

_Madripoor, capital CITY of the island with the SAME name. Hightown caters to the RICH and luxury seeking. LOWTOWN is a criminal filled CESSPIT. So's HIGHTOWN, but at least it has CLASS. Needless to SAY after the encounter with CASTLE left us significantly RICHER and in need of some rest and RELAXATION, we came to HIGHTOWN._

Kraven was swimming in the hotel pool. As he climbed out, he observed a girl of maybe twenty years frankly admiring him. He grinned at her and winked, and as he passed her, she handed him a slip of paper. A glance as he climbed the many flights of stairs to his room told him it was a room number.

_It's a different SORT of hunting, but in many WAYS no less satisfying. And CERTAINLY there are ways in which it is INFINITELY more satisfying. SPEAKING of which…_

He had reached his floor, and had been about to pass the door to Machine Man's room, when it opened, and three young women, all rather disheveled, and grinning to a point that was almost indecent filed out. Kraven stopped, blinking several times, not entirely sure that he hadn't fallen on the stairway, suffered a concussion, and started hallucinating. As he stood there, the door opened again, and two young men walked out, in a state not dissimilar to the young women. They were accompanied by a gleaming metal robot who appeared to be of feminine design. Kraven was by this point completely dumbstruck, and was scarcely surprised any further when a seven foot tall blue woman came out of the door.

Around that time, Madrox came out of a room several doors down, took one look at Kraven's face, glanced at the various departures, and burst out laughing. Kraven, regaining his composure, crossed his arms and waited for Madrox to stop. After a few minutes, Madrox, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes said, "I'm sorry. It was just… the look on your face," he began chuckling again, and required several more minutes to bring himself back under control. "Right. So. When Machine Man was waiting to get repaired after that thing with Castle, he was rummaging around in his head. To prevent boredom, or something. And he came across some dormant subroutines. Some _interesting_ dormant subroutines, if you catch my drift. He's been experimenting."

Machine Man had come to the doorway during Madrox's explanation. "With generally positive results," he added. "I had to be careful not to damage the humans with my rock hard robotic-"

"Body," interrupted Madrox, grinning, "With your rock hard robotic body."

"You humans and your taboos. Fine with my rock hard robotic 'body'" at the word body he made little quotation marks in the air with his fingers, "But I did enjoy the noises they made. Especially the one with the red head fur- I think that the was a model or an actress or some such. Although judging by their loud and frequent banging on their ceiling, the occupants of the room beneath us were less appreciative. Miss Casta was rather more durable, but less vocal. All in all, I feel this has given me a new understanding of you organic sorts and your fleshcapades."

"Really?" Asked Madrox, leaning up against a wall.

"Well, I still cannot understand the attraction of intoxication or copious vomiting, but yes."

"Glad to hear that," said Madrox, and promptly let out a cry of pure agony, and collapsed. Kraven grabbed him before he hit the ground.

_Damn__. I've only seen him like this ONCE before, during that thing in CANADA with the WEREWOLVES. He'd sent a couple of DUPES out to search the AREA and one of them got LOST. A day __later __he got JUMPED, and his NECK got broken. Why does CANADA even have werewolves ANYWAYS? I HATE Canada. _

"Is your bed intact?" He asked, easily lifting the semi-conscious Madrox and carrying him into Machine Man's room.

"You had better put him on the couch. Do you know what's happened to him? Is this a fleshy thing?"

"It's a Madrox thing. I think one of his dupes just died." Kraven set Madrox down on the couch. "If I'm right, he'll be out of it for a while, but he should be fine." Machine Man opened his mouth, but Kraven held up a hand to forestall the question. "If I'm wrong, I obviously have no clue what's going to happen. I'll leave that to your robot brain."

"As gratifying as it is to hear you admit the many inherent disadvantages to your fleshy status, I fell obliged to point something out. I never saw reason to clutter up my memory banks with detailed medical information on you fleshbags."

"Great. Let's hope I'm right then. Wait- I think he's coming out of it." Madrox sat bolt upright on the couch, his fists clenched, and his breathing shallow.

"Oh my god- he killed me- him. Us. He just stabbed us in the chest and we bled out in the gutter. I _felt _it. As soon as my heart stopped beating I felt it. God. Machine Man do you have any- no stupid question. Of course not. That's a fleshbag thing. Kraven, if bring me an aspirin and we're even for that thing in Slorenia that one time."

"Deal," said Kraven, leaving the apartment and entering Madrox's. He came back a moment later with two small pills and a glass of water. Madrox swallowed the pills dry, and poured the glass of water over his head.

"Thanks. Christ. Christ doing inappropriate things to his disciples on a God damned pogo stick." He slumped back against the couch. "So. Right. Explanation. Again. I sent a dupe out to get some vital supplies- a good bottle of wine, a couple of rental DVDs, a guidebook, that sort of thing. I'm not entirely clear on how it happened- mostly because he wasn't entirely clear that it was happening until it had happened- but evidently he took a wrong turn, and got on the wrong bus. He ended up in- what do they call it? Poortown? Lowtown? Whatever. He ended up in a bad neighborhood, and some punk stabbed him in the chest for his wallet. My wallet. Whatever."

_GREAT. And we were SUPPOSED to have come here to RELAX. Now MADROX is understandably SHAKEN, and we've got to do the whole VENGEANCE thing. Even if it WAS just a dupe, someone tried to KILL Madrox, and we can't just let that GO._

"I'll go get my crossbow," he said aloud. "Suit up, Machine Man. You up for this Madrox? We could use a solid ID."

Madrox climbed to his feet. "Yeah. I'm good. Haven't actually got a knife in my chest. Or stitches in my side, for that matter."

"Shut up," said Kraven. "You haven't got that Slorenian thing to hold over my head anymore- or an excuse to keep me alive just to collect on the debt. You keep this up and people might start thinking you actually care about me."

"God forbid, right? Okay, go grab your gear. I'll see if there's a map in the hotel lobby."

Twenty minutes later, they were standing on the street Madrox's double had been stabbed. Madrox was studiously avoiding looking at the bloodstain on the pavement, while Kraven was intimidating a drug dealer.

"He was stabbed. Right there. Twenty minutes ago. I know this for a fact- if you had said that you hadn't been here twenty minutes ago I might have believed you. It isn't likely, because I tend to assume scum like you lies on general principle. But there's a chance. But no, you had to say that you were here the entire night and you didn't see anything. Now I know you're lying."

"You don't scare me, bigshot 'hunter'," replied the dealer. "You knuckled under and registered with your piece of crap country. That means you can't do nothing without a warrant, and especially not outside of the US."

Machine Man abruptly grabbed the dealer's neck, and banged the dealer's head against his mechanical shoulder blade. "How unfortunate," he said, "Your ill advised attack seems to have damaged my short term memory banks. In a matter of hours, I will have no memory of this event, or anything that transpired immediately after it."

"You see," said Kraven, "America is my country now, but I was born in Russia. And I'm older than I look. I was born in Russia under Stalin. I learned a long time ago that in order to get things done- in order to survive- sometimes you have to work outside the system. Madrox, you should take a walk around the block. Look for other witnesses."

Madrox did so, while Kraven drew a large and lethal looking knife. "You ever hear of the Darwin Awards?" He asked. The dealer, now obviously shaken, shook his head. "It's a more or less fictional award given out to people who prove Darwin's theory- survival of the fittest. The way they do that, is they do something stupid, and they take themselves out of the gene pool. You- pissing me off- that's pretty stupid. Now, I could kill you, but that's not strictly necessary to keep you out of the gene pool. All I really have to do is make sure that you're not capable of reproducing. And there's more than one way I could do that. Are you following me?"

The dealer started nodding frantically. "Okay! Okay! I'll talk. Guy came down here about twenty minutes ago. Looked a lot like your friend there. But he was dressed too well for a local, and he wasn't one of the General's enforcers, so Bull came up to him and said he had to pay a toll. He just kept walking, so Bull pulled his knife and- look, I didn't have anything to do with it okay? And I didn't want to, especially after the body just disappeared."

"Where's Bull now?" Asked Kraven, still not putting away the knife. The dealer opened his mouth to say he didn't know, looked at the knife again, and swallowed, hard.

"Okay. Usually this time of day- he's got a girl. They meet in there-" he pointed to a near derelict apartment building- "Top floor. Room three. Just don't tell him I told you where to find him."

"Don't worry." Kraven was grinning wolfishly once again. "After we find him, you won't have to worry about it. Madrox. Good. You're back. Strangest thing just happened. Soon as you left, our friend here decided to tell us everything he knows, and then go join a monastery. Isn't that right?"

"A monast- yeah. Yeah. Whatever! I'm out of here." And he took off at a dead run, not stopping to look back.

_Hmm. I just threatened to CASTRATE a drug dealer. NOW I get to beat the HELL out of a MUGGER in front of his girlfriend. And to THINK I was worried that this vacation was going to be BORING. _

"A monastery?" Madrox asked, glancing at Machine Man and raising an eyebrow.

"I have no memory of the past several minutes, I'm afraid," said Machine Man. "Therefore, judging by all previous data about our fleshy leader and the complete lack of any data about that man, I am inclined to accept Kraven's statement."

Madrox shrugged. "Works for me. So where's he live?"

"Up there," said Kraven, gesturing to the dilapidated apartment building. "Fair's fair. You get first shot at him." He knocked on the door, and had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed when it fell off the hinges. There was no one inside to protest, however, so he propped it against the wall, and they proceeded up the stairs.

When they came to the appropriate door- rather thicker than the main door to the building- Machine Man extended a lock pick from his finger, and undid the lock in a matter of moments. Madrox went in first. The mugger was in bed, under the covers with a girl who could have been anywhere from eighteen to thirty. Madrox gave her a jaunty little wave, before snapping his fingers. Two dupes grabbed the mugger by his arms and hauled him to his feet. He was, as it transpired, still wearing a pair of boxers, which judging by the way she clutched at the sheet she was covering herself with, was more than the woman could say.

"Oh, good. I see you're still wearing _some_ clothing. This could have gotten really awkward otherwise. Hate to beat up a naked man." He punched the man in the gut. The mugger tried to double over, but was held upright by the duplicates. "Do you remember me? I'm the guy you stabbed a couple of hours ago. Well, pretty much." He hit the mugger again, this time in the face. Kraven heard bone crack, and was pretty certain the man's jaw was broken. "And then you come here? To enjoy yourself? Party over the fact that you just killed a man?" He glanced at the girl. "Hey. Kinda sorry that this is going down in front of you. But hey, you got together with this scumbag, so I figure you brought it on yourself." He nodded to the dupes, who forcibly turned the mugger around, and between the two of them, lifted him up and threw him through the window. The girl screamed. "What?" Asked Madrox, "There's a fire escape a story down." There was a resounding crash. One of the dupes stuck his head out the broken window.

"He broke through that landing, actually, but the one below it stopped him. Hey. Is that our wallet?" He picked it up, looked through it, and then tossed it to Madrox Prime. "Yep. Apartment keycard and all. Okay Prime. Do that voodoo you do so well."

Madrox set a hand on each dupe's arm, and absorbed them again. "A monastery? Seriously, Kraven? Okay. I'm filling fulfilled. Let's go."

_Hmm. And I managed all that WITHOUT managing to tear my STITCHES. Well, I'M feeling fulfilled too. I think I can actually content MYSELF with the more CARNAL type of hunting, instead of that filled with CARNAGE, for the REST of this vacation._


	5. Chapter 4

_Hmm. I MANAGED a whole vacation WITHOUT tearing my stitches, even during that WHOLE vengeance thing. Back in the US NOW and if my EARS aren't lying to me, that's MADROX coming up the stairs. By the way he's MOVING he's probably got something EXCITING._

The door to the office part of the penthouse apartment burst open. Madrox ran in, waving an envelope above his head. "Haha!" He exclaimed, "Kraven, look at this. If you thought bringing Castle in paid well." Kraven snatched the envelope out of his hand, opened it, and extracted a piece of paper.

"Hmm. SHRADA. 'To Sergei Kraven, and all members of his duly licensed team of private contractors'," he paused, and pointed to Madrox, the Black Widow, and Machine Man, the latter two were just entering the room from opposing doors. "That'd be you lot. "'We wish to engage your services in a priority contract, namely the apprehension of the fugitive known as Poison. The reward, upon apprehension of the subject and delivery to a SHRADA or SHIELD designated pick up point being two million dollars.'"

"Two million?" Said Black Widow, "Divide that among the four of us, and that's still more money than we've ever made for one apprehension. So- what is so special about this Poison?"

Machine Man's eyes unfocused for a moment. When they focused again he said, "He started out as an unregistered hero under the name Spider-man- he's since been identified as one Peter Parker, only fifteen years old when he started out, but that was about ten years ago. Colonel Osborn fought alongside him once during that Mole Man mess, and reported that he was extremely impressed. There was actually a disciplinary hearing a few months later alleging that he had a chance to capture Parker and let him go, but that seems to have quietly disappeared. Then two years ago, Parker was seen in a black and white suit that seems to be vaguely liquid, and respond to his mental commands. Nobody thought much of it at the time, until he disappeared for a year, and then started biting people's heads off. Literally, apparently. Since then, there's only been a half dozen confirmed sightings of him. Police confirm that armor piercing bullets have proved ineffective." He grinned. "Wikipedia is my friend."

"Hmm," said Madrox, "So, yes, psychopath, but not terribly active, not like that thing with Whiteface. Powerful, yes, but all in all, it'd probably be easier- not to mention cheaper- to just bring in one of their superhuman teams, what with him being a super villain and all. It just doesn't make any sense."

"That's because you didn't read the whole contract," said Kraven. "'Note- it is vital that this contract be completed without the knowledge of the general public, and that the subject is delivered to a SHRADA pickup point.' As in not SHIELD or VAULT. This come by courier, Madrox?"

"Yeah. How'd- ah. I see. SHRADA wants Poison, but they don't want anyone to know they have him. I wonder what that's all about."

"Does it matter?" Black Widow asked. "We'll be bringing in a murderer, collecting a sizable fee, and our fearless leader gets to enjoy the thrill of the hunt. And what a hunt, eh?

_She's RIGHT. From everything I HEAR Poison is STRONG, fast, and tough. And HARD to find, as WELL. I'll hunt WELL. And when the hunt is DONE, there will be TIME to find out what exactly SHRADA wants with POISON._

Three weeks later, Kraven was perched on a branch in Central Park. His breathing was regular, but slow, and as quiet as he could make it. He kept one eye closed, and the other focused on the shadows. Something was definitely moving, and in a pattern too irregular to be the wind in the trees.

The gun carefully rested up against a tree branch had been designed to put a bullet through several centimeters of steel. Kraven had deemed a laser sight too risky, his quarry having been alerted by one the previous week.

_If this DOESN'T work, it could be PROBLEMATIC. There aren't MANY places this EMPTY, and I've already made an ATTEMPT in several of them. It's LUCK enough that he prefers empty SPACES, without PUSHING it._ _Wait. THERE._

He fired, three times in quick succession, in exactly the same spot. The movement stopped, abruptly, and Kraven leapt forward, drawing a specially pretreated knife, and driving it towards the spot where he had fired. It sunk in, to the hilt. Kraven felt himself unable to pull it free. He released the knife, and for the first time took a good look at Poison.

He stood about six feet tall, and the costume covered him from head to toe. It was completely black, except for a white spider-like design on the chest. A long red tongue flicked in and out of the mouth. He calmly removed the knife, examined it for a moment, and then tossed it aside. "A knife? The gun I can understand, but how on earth did you think a knife would stop us?" There was something eerie about the voice, almost as if there were two people speaking. A tendril whipped out from his suit, grabbing the knife again. The tongue flicked out, tasting it. "Oh. Clever. Trying to knock us unconscious? But not so clever as you think, hmm?" He moved almost faster than Kraven's eyes could follow. In an instant he had seized Kraven by the throat, and lifted him bodily off the ground. "We don't sleep anymore. And that's not all, we could rip your heart from your chest and eat it, you know."

_Well, that's ONE option out. He's FASTER than I'd thought. Just about as CRAZY though. I wonder why he refers to HIMSELF as we. Doesn't matter. TIME for option TWO. Quickly, too. Can't BREATHE._

"No, you couldn't," he gasped, and grabbed a small gun from his belt, thrusting it into Poison's open mouth. However, before he could fire, the mouth closed with a sound of metal being crushed.

"Oh yes, we could," replied Poison, throwing him across the park and into a tree. "But we think we'll play with our food first." He leapt at Kraven, who rolled onto his back, kicking both legs up, and rolling backwards, so as to fling Poison into the branches of another tree. He didn't come back down anywhere Kraven could see or hear.

_STUPID. You'd HEARD he was good in the SHADOWS. And that SUIT makes him practically __invisible__ when it's this dark._

"Say, we know you," said Poison. "You're Kraven the Hunter, aren't you?" Kraven glanced around at the trees. Even with his superior senses, Kraven couldn't determine where the voice was coming from. He pressed his back to a tree, only for a tendril to descend from the branches and wrap around his throat. "Wrong choice! Care to try again? Too bad!"

"Widow," said Kraven, his voice calm, if slightly ragged. "This would be a good time for the backup plan." Suddenly from behind the tree, there came a stream of flame, leaping up into the branches. Poison bellowed his pain, and the tendril relinquished its hold on Kraven.

He fell from the tree, his hands and part of his head no longer covered by the costume. He was clawing frantically at it, and it was whirling around him, as if trying to engulf the rest of his head. "Please!" He shouted, and his voice was now more frantic then ever, but without the eerie dual quality. "Just kill me now!"

"Sorry," said Widow, coming around the tree, "Not on the schedule." She raised her arm, and a bolt of electricity leapt from the device around her forearm and struck Poison in the face. He collapsed, falling face forwards onto the ground. In an instant the costume snapped back over his head and hands.

"Hmm. So, it would seem even if he doesn't sleep, he can be paralyzed." Kraven said. "We should get him to SHRADA before he wakes up, and let Madrox and Machine Man know they can stop staking out the subways."

"Well," said Widow, "You're half right. We should definitely get him to SHRADA, but after that?" She pressed up against him. "Why don't we keep the penthouse to ourselves tonight?"

_I'm going to REGRET this, I imagine. But not TONIGHT, certainly, and probably not in the MORNING either. So what the HELL, I didn't become Kraven the HUNTER by playing it SAFE._

"Sure," he said aloud.


	6. Interlude Two

"Hello ladies and gentlemen! I'm Trish Tilby, this is Good Evening America, and we have a very special guest tonight, Doctor Otto Octavius!" The crowd clapped and cheered fairly enthusiastically, more for Trish than her guest, but then, while he was fairly famous, it was for achievements in science, not the more crowd pleasing superheroics or acting. Regardless, Trish forged ahead. "Doctor Octavius is with us to discuss the precise origins and impact of the Super Human Registration and Draft Act. For those who don't know, his book on the subject- Taming the Tiger, What we Learned from Russia- has been at the top of the New York Times bestseller list for the past month. Tell us doctor, how did registration _really_ get started?"

"Well, first off, just to be clear, I'm not saying that the normal perception is wrong, as such. It's just limited." Otto Octavius was calm to the point of coldness. But then, he was about most things, excepting only the rare outburst of temper. "There was a normal draft on at the time, and to some degree, the registration and draft did come out of that. However, as the title of my book suggests, there were other influences. The Soviets had long been of the opinion that it was the duty of everybody and anybody with special powers to serve the state. The most prominent example of this was the Soviet sponsored terrorist group known as the Red Ghosts. They were very active in Europe and Africa, and they even carried a few operations in the United States. More importantly, by their very existence, they were supposed to prove the superiority of the Soviet Union. And for a while, it looked like they were doing just that. None of the NATO countries had any luck stopping them. So, finally, they decided to fight fire with fire."

"You mean with a US sponsored terrorist group?" Asked Trish. Octavius made her a bit uncomfortable, as he did most people, and it showed.

"Don't be ridiculous. They'd been doing that since World War Two. No, with the superhuman draft. They never took measures nearly as drastic as the Soviets, of course, although for a while immediately after the act they came close, which was only rational- they could hardly afford a superhuman rebellion. That's the same reason they made the exception with the mutants- who were still fairly few at that time. The reasoning was that the mutants, who were just then being identified as a separate subspecies, would be more likely to band together to fight. Hence, they offered the alternatives of the reservations."

"I'd like to talk to you about the title of the book," said Trish. "Taming the Tiger?"

"Yes. Because that's just what's been done, and it's important that that be remembered. Superhumans have, as it were, been tamed, but they haven't been domesticated, and that's an important difference."

"You're talking about them like they're some kind of animal," said Trish, a hint of accusation in her voice.

"They are, as are humans, as are mutants, as are all intelligent species with the possible exception of robots. And being an intelligent species, they have a capacity for cruelty and destruction far beyond any animal."

"Um. Thank you. That's all the time we have today doctor. We'll be back after a word from our sponsors."


	7. Chapter 5

_FUNNY. All these YEARS, I wondered how it would END. And while I always ASSUMED I would die FIGHTING, I never imagined that it'd be genetically engineered WEASELS that got me. And in the middle of the CANADIAN wilderness, to BOOT. I HATE Canada._

Kraven sat with his back propped against a tree. There was a ring of fire burning all around him, which thus far had kept the beasts at bay. His left arm hung limply at his side, while his right clutched a long knife, already dripping with blood.

_Arm feels like it's on FIRE. Not sure if that's better or worse than not being able to FEEL it at ALL. Those wolverines can smell the BLOOD. Not clear on the DETAILS of what's been DONE to them, or HOW, but they're bigger, MEANER and smarter than normal wolverines Hate to SAY it, but it looks like this is IT._

He grunted as he climbed to his feet, still using the tree as support. He had lost a fair amount of blood from the gash on his arm before he had managed to bandage it, and was consequently slightly faint and light headed. Once he reached a standing position, he leaned heavily against the tree, his acute hearing picking out the growling and snarling of the beasts over the crackling of the fire.

_NO! I will NOT lie down and die for a BUNCH of animals. I don't care if they're the size of GRIZZLY bears. I am Kraven the GODDAMN Hunter! Come and GET me you worthless MONSTROSITIES._

As if answering his mental challenge, one of them leapt through the flames at him. Its hair ignited as it came, so that between its increased size, its snarling jaws, and the flames that wreathed it, it seemed like some demon out of hell. Kraven's good arm flashed out; catching it by the throat at the same time he drove the knife under its jaw. The impact slammed him back against the tree, and the beast's claws racked his arm, but it died quickly, and he flung it back through the flames. Though he couldn't see through them, the noises on the other side told him that the others had fallen to devouring their comrade.

_That'll buy me a LITTLE time. If I'm REALLY lucky, they'll end up FIGHTING over the scraps, and kill a few of each __other. __Can't COUNT on that though. How did I get myself INTO this mess?_

**STOP! Flashback time!**

"Seriously?" Asked Natasha as she got dressed. "You and Madrox never…?"

"No!" Said Kraven. "I don't know why everybody thinks that. Yes, he and I worked together for a long while before you and Machine Man were part of the team, but we were never- why is it that nobody seems to understand that two men can be comrades and work in close proximity without" Kraven dressed as he answered, and followed her out of his room. Madrox was just coming in.

"I KNEW IT!" He shouted, and turned to Machine Man as he followed them in, holding out his hand. A panel slid open in Machine Man's forearm, and he reached in with his other hand, producing a wallet. Grumbling under his metaphorical breath, he produced a twenty dollar bill and handed it to Madrox, before scowling at Kraven.

"Get some self-control, fleshbag. I was sure that you'd last for at least another week. And by the way, thanks for letting us know you brought in Poison. It would have been terribly unpolite to leave us on stakeout in the sewers the entire night."

"Oh stop whining," said Madrox, "At least _you_ can switch off your sense of smell."

"Wait," said Natasha. "You've been betting on our love lives?"

"Well there's no horse tracks in the city, and they won't let me near the slot machines or card tables," said Machine Man, "Something about 'unfair advantages' and gambling is a low priority on the robotic rights movements' lists. So yes, pretty much, we're betting on your love life. Bye the way, fleshy leader, you have mail." He tossed a manila envelope down on the table. "As well as female."

"Machine Man," groaned Madrox. "We've been over this. Nobody actually finds puns funny."

"I do," said Machine Man, turning and leaving the room. Madrox rolled his eyes to the heavens, grabbed a bagel, and sat down at the kitchen table, picking up the envelope. "Hmm. Not from SHRADA. Who do you know in Canada, Kraven?"

He tossed the envelope to Kraven, who plucked it out of the air. "Only that man from that thing with the werewolves," he said. "You know, from the Canadian government. Yes. It is from him. Hmm. There have been some odd animal attacks, authorities are stumped- but they only want me. He's very specific on that."

"And that doesn't make you suspicious?" Asked Madrox.

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course it makes me suspicious. That's the only reason I'm going. If Canada thinks to trap Kraven the Hunter they will be quite surprised."

_Only I don't think it WAS the Canadian government, much as I'm ALWAYS ready to assume the worst of them. The CANADIAN government isn't competent enough to set something like this UP. Let's REVIEW. I took a plane up to CANADA. First CLASS. DAMN, but I love those little bowls of hot PEANUTS. What's WRONG with me? I'm surrounded by genetically engineered WOLVERINES, and I'm thinking about the SERVICE in first class. WHY would I do that? Why am I flashing BACK anyway? Is my SUBCONCIOUS trying to tell me something? When I GOT here, I had to take a CHOPPER to the town where the ATTACKS happened._

"Definitely some type of animal," Kraven said, examining a dead human body, which had been clawed fairly badly. "Not immediately identifiable as anything I'm familiar with. Looks sort of like a wolverine attack on a human- which aren't terribly frequent- should look, but I've never seen a wolverine with claws this large. The patterns of the teeth are also right for a wolverine, but also larger than anything I've seen." He turned to his liaison from the Canadian government. "But I assume, if Canada has any medical examiners worth more than a scorched femur, you already knew that. So, based on the eyewitness accounts of a pack of things that look like wolverines, but bigger, the blurry security camera footage of something that looked like a wolverine, but bigger and the twenty corpses with wounds consist with an amazingly large wolverine, I think it's a safe conjecture at this point that you're dealing with giant wolverines. Which hunt in packs and attack towns. Which is odd. I'm going to try and find one."

_The trail had gone COLD since the attack on the TOWN, and a normal hunter would no doubt have been BAFFLED. But not ME. Not KRAVEN. For three WEEKS I tracked them by their SPORE and the occasional dead MOOSE carcass. Finally I came UPON them as they were FEEDING._

_  
_Kraven had masked his scent with a certain combination of herbs and meditation, he rarely used, because it was too time consuming and expensive. Currently he was mostly covered by snow, the only exception being his head and arms and hands, the latter holding a crossbow. The pack of wolverines was feeding on a bull moose. He had been right; they were much larger than normal, and exhibiting a complex social system. He had noted the- for lack of a better term- alpha male, and was now prepared to make his move. He fired once, catching the alpha male in the throat, and bowling it over. That was when he realized they were much, much smarter than normal wolverines as well. They spread out, cautiously circling the area where the bolt had come from. Kraven swore mentally as the circle began closing. He dropped the crossbow as he stood up, drawing a machete, and chopping at the first beast to leap at him. Another hit him full in the chest, its claws sinking into his arm and chest. He dropped the machete as his arm went limp, and drew a knife with the other, stabbing the beast repeatedly, and then throwing the body hard enough to bowl another two over.

He leapt through the opening in the circle thus caused, and for several hours he ran, the wolverines hot on his heel, until finally their rage subsided.

_I don't LIKE to run away from a fight, but I'm not STUPID. I needed time to lick my WOUNDS. Once their BLOODLUST ended, they slowed down and I had time to build this FIRE. So far, it's kept them from RUSHING me. That won't last FOREVER though. Have to think of SOMETHING. Wait, the TREE!_

The tree was old, and dead, and dry, but very, very large. Kraven had no true axe, but made due with a small hatchet. It was the work of several hours to prepare it, and then he grabbed a branch from the fire. Touching it to the top of the tree in several places, we waited until it was blazing steadily, then struck it with his shoulder. It toppled quickly, striking several of the wolverines, and he leapt atop it. They were milling about in confusion as he ran though the flames, drawing his hatchet and throwing it. He struck on of the creatures in the skull, and was surprised to see something metal glinting as it fell dead. He had no time to stop to examine it, however, having reached the end of the tree. He leapt, landing outside the circle of the wolverines. They began circling again immediately, and for the first time, he made a count. There were five of them left, one limping. He bared his teeth. This, he could do.

The next few minutes were a blur of violence, stabbing and clawing and biting. Finally, only Kraven stood, the bodies of the animals littered around him. He nearly collapsed, but caught himself, and staggered over to retrieve his hatchet. He glimpsed the metal again, and picked up the dead animal. Not being able to determine what it is, he used his knife to widen the hole in the skull, finally extracting a small device, which resembled a microchip, which had been attached to the brain. He grunted, and pocketed it, and glanced up at the sky for a moment, trying to determine where he was in relation to the town. Before he could make the mental calculations, though, he heard applause behind him. He whirled around, seeing a man dressed in red spandex with a full face mask.

"Hey! Way to go!" He said in a distinctive voice, like gasoline poured over gravel. "I've always wanted to light a tree on fire and drop it on a bunch of genetically engineered and mind controlled wolverines!" He paused for a moment. "Okay, no, I just lied to you just there. I hadn't actually ever thought of doing that before. But it was awesome!"

_DEADPOOL. Expert with GUNS and martial arts, a bad ATTITUDE, and an INCREDIBLE healing factor, courtesy of those illegal experiments CANADA did in the EIGHTIES. I HATE Canada. We've met TWICE before. The FIRST time, he left me tied to the top of a FLAGPOLE. The SECOND time I injected him with a hallucinogenic SNAKE venom before we fought, and left him pinned to a WALL with his own SWORDS. Looks like his HEALING factor's all it's CRACKED up to be. SHAME._

"Well, TTFN," said Deadpool, "Just wanted to let you know- keep up the good work! Damn. A flaming tree! Wow!" He shook his head, and then reached for his belt, suddenly vanishing. Kraven sighed. He wasn't looking forward to explaining this to the Canadian government.


	8. Chapter 6

_After that MESS in Canada, I'm only too HAPPY to get home again. I UNDERSTAND what I found kicked off some major INVESTIGATIONS in the Canadian GOVERNMENT, but frankly, I couldn't care LESS. Because I HATE Canada._

"Kraven," purred Natasha as he stepped through the gates. "You are finally back! How… wonderful!" She embraced him tightly, very tightly. Normally Kraven wouldn't have any problems with this- she was after all an extremely attractive woman, and their relationship had recently become rather more intimate than business- but the wounds suffered from that mess in Canada were still panging him somewhat, and so he cut the embrace shorter than he might have liked.

"I read the report," said Machine Man, extending one arm and casually snatching Kraven's luggage off of the conveyor belt. "I am trying to decide whether you have become completely deranged- as opposed to your current _tenuous_ hold on sanity- or if you are attempting some sort of that inscrutable fleshy humor of yours. Genetically engineered wolverines? Controlled by cybernetic chips?"

"Bah," said Madrox- or one of his dupes- "You're forgetting one very important fact. All this was happening in Canada. Those Canadians are capable of anything."

"I hate Canada," agreed Kraven, but fairly cheerfully. "How has the business here been while I was gone?" He thought for a moment, and then added, "For that matter, do we still have a business? Perun knows we all have enough money to retire."

"Oh come on," said Madrox, somewhat reproachfully. "You know I was never in this for the money. When I was young and stupid it was the excitement. Now that I'm young and lecherous it's the women."

_He has a POINT. NOBODY gets into a JOB like this for the MONEY. Because USUALLY it doesn't pay as WELL as it has for US. That's BECAUSE most people aren't KRAVEN the GODDAMN HUNTER. _

"To be perfectly honest," said Machine Man, "I'm just trying to better understand you fleshbags." He shrugged, "Well, that and the heads of the Robot Rights Movement think it's good for one of us to be in the public spotlight so much."

Madrox snapped his fingers, causing a duplicate to appear. "That reminds me," he said, and withdrew an envelope from inside his coat, tossing it to Kraven.

Kraven snatched it out of the air, and examined the return address. "Wakandan embassy?" He shook his head, uncertainly, as he opened it, half expecting a bomb or an improbably small assassin. Instead, he drew out a small paper, heavily decorated.

_An INVITATION? To a PARTY? And yes, it's ADDRESSED to ME. KRAVEN the Hunter. But the WAKANDANS don't like ME. Why would they INVITE me to a party? WELL, I suppose there's only ONE way to find out. Actually, there are SEVERAL, but I'll go with the ONE that has the least CHANCE of starting an international INCIDENT with Wakanda, and PASS on random beatings of embassy PERSONNEL. THIS time._

"It says Sergei Kravenoff, plus one," he said aloud, and put an arm around Natasha's waist as they left the airport. "What do you say, Widow? Have you ever been to a party at an embassy before?"

"Da," said Natasha, "But never one I was invited to. It should make a pleasant change. When is it?"

Kraven examined the invitation again, and his eyes widened slightly. "Tonight, beginning at eight o'clock," he read. "My, it's a good thing they gave me time to prepare, nyet?"

Natasha smiled as she hailed a cab. "I have some work to do, gentlemen. I will see you tonight, darling." She kissed Kraven, long enough that the cab driver got impatient and leaned on the horn, before slipping into the cab.

"DAMN," said Kraven, contentedly. "I LOVE being Kraven the GODDAMN Hunter." Madrox chuckled at that, and Machine Man muttered something about fleshcapades. "I'm going to have to get out that Wakandan ceremonial costume again, aren't I?"

"Whoa," said Jamie, "You have a ceremonial Wakandan outfit? How? And why? When were you in Wakanda?"

"Before your time," said Kraven, "Back in the Wakandan Civil War. TAXI!" _If I'm going to TELL this story, I NEED a good stiff DRINK. A lot of MEMORIES, not all of them GOOD._

Not long later, in the local Hellfire Club, Kraven sat down in a large armchair. Jamie sat beside him, and reached out with one arm to catch a scantily clad waitress around the waist and pull her onto his lap. "Hello, darling," he said, and she giggled, "Surprise me with something vaguely alcoholic, would you? And Kraven?"

"Scotch," said Kraven.

"Some nice scotch for my large friend here, and a dancer for Machine Man," he released her and watched her retreating back with some interest.

"Since when are you a member of the Hellfire Club?" Kraven asked, as he looked about the posh interior of the room. It was done in a deep red, with gold trim that somehow managed to avoid tackiness. Deep armchairs were scattered about the room, with tables near them for resting drinks on.

_Can't DENY that it's NICE. Very nice. And I DON'T just mean the STAFF. There are RUMORS about the HELLFIRE Club, that there's a SECRET inner circle manipulating world EVENTS, but as far as I can TELL, its just a place for the rich and INFLUENTIAL to enjoy some private DECADANCE._

"While you were in Canada," said Madrox, shrugging. "I had to use your name, actually. You're more famous than me, does that seem right to you?" He shrugged again and smirked, "At least I'm still prettier."

"Right," said Kraven, as a woman wearing even less than the last waitress set down Kraven and Jamie's drinks, and then set herself on Machine Man's lap. He seized the drink and downed it swiftly, and as another waitress seemed to materialize out of nowhere to replace it, he began speaking.

_This was back in WAKANDA, during the time of their CIVIL war. YES, I'm older than I LOOK. A LOT older. Most people don't KNOW much about the WAKANDAN Civil War, because THE Wakandans don't TALK about it much. In FACT, most people don't REALIZE it wasn't really a WAR. What HAPPENED was there were two BROTHERS. TWINS, actually, the sons of the PREVIOUS king. Since they were the same AGE, being TWINS and all, it wasn't CLEAR which one should become KING._

_NORMALLY, Wakandan law would have called for a FIGHT to settle this, with the CROWN going to the VICTOR. UNFORTUNATELY, they were TOO evenly matched. The bout went on for THREE days straight before the JUDGES called a halt._

_I was IN Wakanda at the time, coming back from a SAFARI in West Africa, and I managed to bluff my WAY into the audience for the FIGHT. I was YOUNGER then, and less EXPERIENCED. Even SO I could tell that this was something IMPRESSIVE_.

The two men were nearly identical, but not quite. One of them, T'Chaka bore a three parallel thin white scars on his left shoulder, souvenirs of a too close encounter with some animal- perhaps the dread white apes that had attracted Kraven here. Both twins were bare to the waist, and after two and a half days of constant combat, they were gleaming with sweat.

The judge stepped forward, raising a hand in the air. "Enough! You are too evenly matched. This claim must be decided in another manner. Let the Wakandan Council gather here in one month, and the new king will be chosen by acclaim."

_During that MONTH, I managed to get an AUDIENCE with T'Chaka. We found we got along WELL. Then we found out on of the WHITE apes that DWELL in Wakanda had been terrorizing a small VILLAGE. Which is IMPRESSIVE, considering the number and QUALITY of the guns the AVERAGE Wakandan owns. T'Chaka asked me to accompany him on the HUNT._

They had been tracking the beast for some days before they came upon it. Or rather, it came upon them. It moved with amazing silence and speed for something so massive. Its first blow cracked three of Kraven's ribs and threw him across the clearing, and then the beast turned on T'Chaka, apparently unconcerned with the knife that seemed to suddenly sprout from its ribs.

The Wakandan prince rolled away from a swipe that undoubtedly would have taken his head off of his shoulders, and grabbed his spear from his back. The beast charged again, snapping the spear and leaving the point embedded in its breast, but seemingly without damage to its monstrous strength. It seized T'Chaka in what was clearly an attempt to crush him to death, and began squeezing.

But by this time, ignoring the pain, Kraven was back on his feet, and leapt onto the thing's back. One arm was wrapped around the massive neck, closing its windpipe, and with the other, he drew a knife, and thrust it into the ape's back, between two vertebrate. It howled in rage, but its struggles quickly subsided, and it dropped to the ground. With a near superhuman effort, Kraven managed to lift the thing off of T'Chaka, who looked at it admiringly.

"What a brute," he said, "I don't believe there's been one larger than this for over a century."

_We became FAST friends after that, and saved EACH other's lives more than ONCE. Then the Day of __ACCLAMATION __came, and the Council declared T'Chaka chief, agreeing with his policies of international aid and RESPONSIBILITY over his twin's support of isolationism. But THEN, as he stood to ACCEPT the ACCLAMATION, a shot ran OUT._

_He was DEAD before he hit the GROUND. The ASSASSIN threw himself into the river, and they never found the BODY. But somehow, I was CONVINCED that it had been T'Chaka's twin, __Khanata__'s DOING, for now he was to be KING._

_Against all of WAKANDA'S laws, I tracked him as he faced the FINAL ordeal, finding and CONSUMING the heart-shaped HERB that made the KINGS of Wakanda far more than HUMAN. After he had CONSUMED it, I ate another leaf of it MYSELF, planning to make myself his EQUAL and confront him. __Khanata__ came upon me as I ATE it though, and we did BATTLE. I lost, BADLY, and was EXILED from Wakanda for this SACRILEGE._

"Wow," said Machine Man, paying about equal attention to Kraven and to the woman perched on his lap. "Well, I will grant you this- it's more believable than your last story. Genetically engineered wolverines. You fleshbags."

Kraven glanced at one of the large grandfather clocks that the room boasted. "I had best be going," he said, "If they do want a truce, it wouldn't do to be late." He smiled, baring impossibly perfect teeth. "And if this is a trap, I would hate to disappoint."

"If things get out of hands, call us," said Madrox, looking deadly serious for a moment. Then he, too, grinned. "I've always wanted to crash a party at an embassy."


End file.
